Making Changes

‘A problem can't be resolved with the same thinking that it was created with.’

Albert Einstein   

  

Last Saturday we went to shopping at the local shopping centre. It’s an interesting pastime, shopping trolleys that go the opposite way to where you want them to go and car parks where you can lose your car. Even arts and crafts groups sitting behind their trestles looking really interested and intelligent.

Hoping you’ll take pity on them and buy something. Still some of their wares are  fascinating. Like a wall plaque for the home that says if I’d known how good grand kids are I would have had them first.

Every now and then the past makes it’s presence felt and its always when we have set a goal to achieve something new.  Plan a day in the office and the phone will ring incessantly. Plan a meeting in Perth or West Perth and see how many calls come in requiring things that “need” doing today.

I guess it’s a case of getting what we ask for. There are the clients who want everything done yesterday, but can’t find the documents that are needed. It’s amazing 80% of the effort goes into those clients who produce only 20% of the income. Then there’s a panic because the Brisbane office wants some documents for a government department yesterday to make sure we’re meeting the guidelines. Then we wait about for weeks until we know if what we are doing is still legal.

A Dr friend from Fremantle often used to say if it wasn’t for the Government departments the rate of unemployment would be double. He should know he was a state politician at one time.

Then we have the “plebs” who say “you can’t do that” (more like they don’t want to say “I can’t do that”). Just for fun sometimes I ask them “Do you mean you are incapable or you are not allowed to”. For some strange reason they get very confused. More often than not the answer is “whadayamean”?

Still I suppose we shouldn’t be so hard on those who haven’t had the benefit of working for themselves and having to fix it if broke and work it out for yourself how it happened. (Bit like raising kids you get all the answers after they leave home).

                                               

That was a week ago and the process of getting  some semblance of order in my life is under way.

The love of a partner who has stuck with me in the quest for answers has been of immeasurable help. The understanding of people in the know who have told stories either of their own experiences or of people they knew is extremely supportive.

The support and counsel of a couple of highly successful business colleagues who assisted not only in the reconstruction of business ventures and  made such a difference in a week, which at some level I knew was possible but couldn’t function or focus long enough to achieve. That for the first time there is realistic hope for that success.

It is interesting some will still look at the person who grappling with a difficult situation and see their anger and frustration, but not the pain and fear that may be experienced internally. I’ve been blessed to have known the love and support of some wonderful people while growing up and now to have the love and respect of some significant people. Significant for their compassion, encouragement and support. Significant because of their quiet and self effacing approach to life.

People like a mother who provided wisdom, understanding and ongoing encouragement. An inherited Dad who by example taught me that no matter how long the job  may take to do, do it thoroughly and it will only need to be done once. From  a grandmother from whom I learned to laugh at simple things and no matter how bad you felt to ignore it and get on with it. From my friend and business colleague Paul that being prepared to listen and learn then believe (the internal kind) in myself that long pursued success will follow. From Dr. Brett, a Barrister, that humility and honour for all people will earn  more respect than flaunting how good you are. From my son Matt I learned that no matter how difficult life may seem one can gain respect and actually have the things in life that are important to us.

These are but a few of the significant people. The interesting thing is with each of these the lessons were learned not from anything they said, rather from their example. To have someone who believes in you, no matter what, makes achieving high goals possible. This is more likely to happen when growing up in a small community as the we don’t get lost in the isolated busyness of suburbia.

Finally to a partner who in my worst moments I unjustly criticised, condemned and complained about, yet who had the courage and compassion to go one more round with an angry and frustrated man and help him see things differently. Sometimes wisdom is ignored or overlooked because it may be spoken very quietly.

That is true support. 

Making Changes

‘A problem cannot be resolved with the same thinking that it was created with.’

Albert Einstein

Mentors and Success.

 Mentors and Success.

Came across this great caption on LinkedIn today and had to have a chuckle. It’s a reflection of the perspective of the newbies on the block. “

Entrepreneurs Suck at Relationships

I will be forever grateful to three key mentors who helped me see that there are particular and specific ways of dealing with life on all levels. My first mentor introduced me to personal development books and the power of learning from others experience. The introduction was to a personal and professional development system.

I’ll never forget that afternoon sitting in his gazebo as he shared some life changing insights. A couple of phrases were so pertinent that they are written out and placed in prominent places for regular reflection.

The first made perfect sense at the outset.

“Where you will be five years from now will be determined by the people you associate with and the books you read.”

The second took a while to digest, but has become a mantra.

“in becoming a part of this system of learning and mentorship you will become the best at whatever field of endeavour your choose to engage in. “

Those prophetic words have changed my life in ways profound and amazing ways. They have led to lifetime friendships and respect, opened trains of thought that have impacted on relationships both personal and professional.  To say it has enriched my life would be a massive understatement.

It led to the phrase that ‘the price paid for personal growth is that there is no going back.’

The second mentor arrived quite a bit later and is a consummate marketer. The concepts he develops are imaginative and lead to a rapid, exponential growth of business ventures.

He shared these concepts while ago and they now form an integral part of my business plans for 2015. Not only is he a mentor he and his wife have become very close personal friends.

The third mentor I met late in my radio career and by his presence, encouragement and example indirectly led to the development of the Economic Vision™ platform.

There is a mutual respect for the endeavours we’ve each chosen to undertake and for the challenges we’ve been dealt and learned to overcome. It’s a great lesson to understand that challenges generally are like question marks. They are something that will benefit us when we find the answer.

This third mentor is someone who fits the title of gentleman perfectly. Giving, caring, compassionate and always seeking to find better ways of being, doing and understanding.

There’s a fourth mentor who many would overlook. This mentor is one who is a giver, an encourager and an enlightener. Some would use the word teacher and would in part be right. It is the qualification and not that application of it.

Enlightener is more fitting because no detail is spared, no creative process discounted out of hand and brings to the table not only the qualities of the previous three mentors, but adds dimensions that they could not.

She brings to the table those qualities that only a woman and mother could. In gently sharing the things that are precious to her she showed me the amazing beauty of a woman’s heart. Enabling me to have an amazing quality of relationship with three important women. The first my elderly mother in her final years and just as importantly to understand and meet my grand daughters at a heart level. To genuinely understand them.

Those two young women have become mentors in their own right.

As an entrepreneur and as a man it’s important to never lose sight of the fact that a little over half of the worlds population are girls and women. Any man who is ‘man enough’ to learn about them will have a life that is so enriched it will be astounding. A couple of question are often asked when this discussion comes up and I always manage to answer them with a smile.

“Have you become less of a man since becoming aware of this.”

Simple answer, “No!”

Many of my friends have daughters and are probably the most compassionate and well rounded people you could want to meet. Has the fact that they have daughters disempowered them? If anything they’ve been more empowered as raising a daughter means tempering their masculine competitive natures with a gentler yet more assertive approach.

“Do you now prefer the company of women to men?”

This is a bit of a leading question which generally comes from those who are not in the know. Not being ‘in the know’ generally means that there is that phenomena of fear of the unknown.  As a counsellor friend says information or knowledge resolves many problems.

Apart from the mentors mentioned above we can learn something from anyone. As with the line from Desiderata says, “even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.”

What we learn from each mentor will be determined by our level of aspiration and our desire to reach new and exciting levels of life. Preferably with the benefit of learning from others experiences.

New mentors should be on the goals list for 2015.

Who I Am Really

            We all go through different experiences in life and that changes how we see and relate to things. Every experience changes the way our life now seems and how in the future we will perceive our surroundings and others.

            Which is where most conflict arises from. Differing perspectives, different points of view. Passing an opinion on someone’s life or actions is to start treading on very shaky ground. Because in most cases we don’t know what the experiences they’ve had that make them think or act in a particular way and how it affects them currently.

            That’s the source of relationship break ups, divorce, commercial confrontation, bullying and wars. Since life and our desires claim most of our attention we tend to want to retain things that are familiar. Things that bring us comfort. That’s human nature. However, and it is a big ‘HOWEVER’ no two peoples experiences and perspectives are the same.

            The greatest joy in life can be to learn to see through others eyes and experiences. It can literally be life changing. A few simple and sincere questions can lead to learning what things are like for the other person. It can also lead to the beginning of many lifetime friendships and strong partnerships.

            It’s easy to pick out these consummate communicators as the conversation will not be a about them. Sometimes it’s interesting to ask a question and sit back and listen to the other person tell you their life story. Even if you’ve just met them. It’s also liberating because most of us like to talk about ourselves. So when someone extends the invitation it makes for a very easy time.

ASSUMING

            One of the greatest failings in life is to assume. How many times has someone surprised you with some thoughtful act that seemed totally out of character for them. One the great things in communicating is getting to know them. Having them surprise you in some small or large way. Sadly because we’ve become the busyness generation there is little time spent thinking about and understanding even those we interact with on a regular basis.

            Judging people is a cop out. It means that we’ve measured them by our own bigoted ego. Human behaviour can be determined by whatever they may be dealing with at the moment. Simple examples that come to mind is judging someone and then being confronted with the knowledge that they are dealing with issues which may include health, finances or concern for their loved ones.

            Prior to discharge patients are often given materials as to what to expect on leaving hospital. One of the most pertinent is the suggestion that the emotional ramifications can alter the person in ways that can be confusing or even confronting. Post traumatic stress disorder isn't just about those who've been in active military conflict. Many things such as having our lives endangered through accident or illness can be enough to destroy a relationship.

            Being confronted, for example, with a heart condition, cancer , or even trauma suffered by a partner alters who we are. Those who haven’t been a part of that journey are not privy to the emotions that those in the close relationship at the time have experienced. They have not experienced the stress, the disruption, the fear, anguish and insecurity that has gone with it.

            Sometimes it becomes too much and adds pressure to the relationship. Then sides are taken. The blame game starts. Adding further to the pressure the relationship is under. No matter how well intentioned the actions the fact of the matter remains that their knowledge of what’s important to the afflicted right then is an unknown.

            In financial planning as a part of our due diligence we performed a ‘financial needs analysis.’ It was an important part of ‘getting to know the client and their wants and needs in the future.’

            Another important part of the process was to review how things were going on an annual basis or more often if required. Once again things change. Homes are bought, families are started, additional education is undertaken. All of which changes the individuals and the dynamics of the relationship as well as their wants and needs.

            Why then is it that we never bother reviewing or updating what we know of someone who has come ‘under fire’ because it’s assumed that their action is based on how they used to be.

            Abraham Lincoln summed it up beautifully when he said, “I don’t like the man, I need to get to know him better.”

            That bit can be fun and be the beginning of some beautiful friendships.

Five cardinal Rules For life

1)  Make peace with your past so that it won’t disturb your present.

2)  What other people think of you is none of your business.

3)  Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

4)  No one is in charge of your happiness. Except you.

5)  Don’t compare your life to others and don’t judge them,

     you have no idea what their journey is all about.

©Kim Stedman Thursday, 25 September 2014

The Price of Personal Growth

Self doubt and doubting what we’re learning, is fairly normal in anything that will shape or change how we see the world and relate to it. The main thing to remember is that we are completely reshaping our thinking. The new paradigms may seem strange and so we may "feel" the need to stop and investigate or abandon it, rather than flowing with it.

When added to the heightened awareness that is developed over time, it also means being more aware of paradigm shift. More aware of what  may or may not have been achieved, more aware that of goal and currently can't see how it can happen. Maybe even the next step can't see the next step.

At that point stop and ask yourself, have I made "any" progress towards the A1 goal.

If that was to be  answered in conventional, measurable terms I would have to say no.

However if I measure my capacity to accept the reality of that goal/dream, based on the aforementioned awareness and paradigm shifts then I have made phenomenal progress.

An A1 goal means being prepared mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually to handle the responsibility (fill in your own blank here), the workload and the rewards that will come with it, whilst adjusting our whole life to the new equilibrium.

Personal issues are purely reminders and benchmarks as to how things are being handled...and a lesson in growing.

It's not what happens to you it's what you do with what happens to you. While there is still time and health amazing things can happen in in a short space of time.

Jim Rohn puts it this way: 

"You don't have to change that much for it to make a great deal of difference. A few simple disciplines can have a major impact on how your life works out in the next ninety days, let alone in the next twelve  months or the next three years."

Stand on the higher ground you’ve reached and survey the world from that perspective. From there you’ll discover there’s no shortage in time to get things done, merely where we place our priorities with what time we have.

Try taking a break. Find a place of solitude, arrange with your spouse/partner to have the time out each day, (half to three quarters of an hour) then honour them by doing the same for them.

Great people are ones who don't need to accept what is. It is time to recognise that inner greatness. Take lessons from others, but remain true to yourself.

Your experience and knowledge can make you a leader in your own right.

The great lesson of leadership however is that we must never lose sight of the knowledge others may have to offer. Particularly that the giving of that knowledge does not seek to control or gain for itself in it's own right.

Earl Nightingale summed it up beautifully when he said in speaking of 'new people',

"This person is opposed to all rigidly structured, closed institutions. Such institutions are saying, by the fact that they are rigidly structured and closed, "We have the answers...we need look no further...this is it." "The new, powerful person knows that at this early stage of our development, such thinking is infantile. We do not have all the answers...about anything. And just as the maturing person is in a stage of growth, of becoming - so is a vital institution. It uses what it has and what it knows as springboards into the future...and assiduously avoids becoming closed and rigidly structured. A good and viable institution, like a self-actualising person, is always in a state of growth..of becoming."

Earl Nightingale

(1922-1989)

I highly recommend reading the full statement and see just how you fit into that picture. It could become a great affirmation.

Become aware that others are showing their best side to you and you are measuring who you know you are inside against that.

Not really comparing apples with apples is it?

In closing always remember that the price we pay for personal growth is that there is no going back.

Attitudes and Concentration Camps

Where there is no vision the people perish. Vision is what's missing in the world today.

Let me tell you a story of vision and faith.

We fill our lives with things that keep us busy. Giving us a sense of importance or purpose and value to our lives. One of the greatest times this was brought home was at a course in public speaking. We had just two minutes to say what we had to say, then finish with “the point I am making”.

A man in his sixties who had amazed us with his line of work and the intricacies of it came in and told a story that showed a totally different side of his life. We could tell that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the topic he was about to deliver, but he started to share a very personal part of himself with us.

It was the end of a long day and fourteen year old Louis was sitting on the step at the front of the dormitory with his father. The day had been a long one and there was little hope of relief. Each sat with his own thoughts, soaking up the last feeble warmth from the sun as it was setting over the mountains. Many things can go through a person’s mind at a time like this. Happy things, sad things and just things that wander through the mind when it’s not actively engaged on a particular task.

His father broke the stillness and pointing to the setting sun said “see the beauty of what God has given us. A sunset and mountains that we see are beautiful”. Placing his hand on his sons shoulder he added “Remember this. God has given you this evening, this sunset and no matter what they take away from you this can never be”

This may seem of little significance until we are told the year was in the mid nineteen forties and the place was a camp in Poland, call Auschwitz. The point Louis was making was in a matter of moments, with a few significant words, his father had shown him the quality of taking the time to share something special with someone that would have a lasting purpose in their lives.

This would also have a profound impact on others somewhere in the future.

It left me wondering if at the end of the twentieth century we hadn’t somehow managed to make ourselves so busy with the urgent things, that we miss out on some of the very important things. Like seeing the sunsets. Feeling the air as the seasons change. Being aware that the night sky is really like the dome inside a cathedral.

The other thing that Louis didn’t say, and I’m sure that everyone in the room that night was aware of, is that 'everyone has a story to tell' and through what they have experienced have in their own unique way earned the right to tell their story. From this comes an understanding of really taking the time to not only listen, but hear what people are saying.

In my line of work it is a very special point in knowing the people I do business with when they start to share the things that are important to them. So when someone offers a cup of tea or coffee I find it quite easy to say yes. Work can always be caught up on later, but times as unique as hearing Louis’ story don’t come very often and who knows when the next one will. It’s like the changes that are going on around us that aren’t acknowledged until something stops us. Like the sunsets that are there every day yet we rarely “see” them.

From 'There’s Never Enough Time' Attitudes and Concentration Camps.

© Kim Stedman 1996

Autumn Evening

The shadows grow long across the land

and the air’s become cool and damp.

The sun's lost it’s merciless heat

and there’s movement around the camp.

Leaves hanging from a limbs on the trees

make patterns across the bright setting sun.

Frogs now give voice to the cooling air

and the peace of the evenings begun.

The colours now fade from blue into pink

then into grey as darkness begins to fall.

There’s an afterglow low in the Southern sky.

In the trees the last of the birds gives a call.

There’s stillness and peace and time to reflect

on matters that are a part of each day,

like sitting in the open under the stars

quietly conversing the hours away.

And so in this evening that Autumn has brought

there’s relief in days growing shorter and cool

and the fragrance of damp on the dry dusty earth

and stars blazing in that high deep indigo pool.

© Kim Stedman

You Already Have the Power

“When was the last time that you really thought about something important? The last time that you pondered a situation from every angle and examined every last minute detail. Many times, people don’t put forth that type of thought effort unless they have to. 

People don’t think about their health, until they get that life-altering call from the doctor. People don’t think about their relationships, until they are about to lose them. People don’t think about their career future, until they no longer have a steady career. 

They live in the problem and not in the solution. You already have the ability to reach that deeper level of thought in everything you do, to look at situations from every angle possible and to arrive at creative solutions that have a positive, lasting effect on your life.”