Mentors and Success.

 Mentors and Success.

Came across this great caption on LinkedIn today and had to have a chuckle. It’s a reflection of the perspective of the newbies on the block. “

Entrepreneurs Suck at Relationships

I will be forever grateful to three key mentors who helped me see that there are particular and specific ways of dealing with life on all levels. My first mentor introduced me to personal development books and the power of learning from others experience. The introduction was to a personal and professional development system.

I’ll never forget that afternoon sitting in his gazebo as he shared some life changing insights. A couple of phrases were so pertinent that they are written out and placed in prominent places for regular reflection.

The first made perfect sense at the outset.

“Where you will be five years from now will be determined by the people you associate with and the books you read.”

The second took a while to digest, but has become a mantra.

“in becoming a part of this system of learning and mentorship you will become the best at whatever field of endeavour your choose to engage in. “

Those prophetic words have changed my life in ways profound and amazing ways. They have led to lifetime friendships and respect, opened trains of thought that have impacted on relationships both personal and professional.  To say it has enriched my life would be a massive understatement.

It led to the phrase that ‘the price paid for personal growth is that there is no going back.’

The second mentor arrived quite a bit later and is a consummate marketer. The concepts he develops are imaginative and lead to a rapid, exponential growth of business ventures.

He shared these concepts while ago and they now form an integral part of my business plans for 2015. Not only is he a mentor he and his wife have become very close personal friends.

The third mentor I met late in my radio career and by his presence, encouragement and example indirectly led to the development of the Economic Vision™ platform.

There is a mutual respect for the endeavours we’ve each chosen to undertake and for the challenges we’ve been dealt and learned to overcome. It’s a great lesson to understand that challenges generally are like question marks. They are something that will benefit us when we find the answer.

This third mentor is someone who fits the title of gentleman perfectly. Giving, caring, compassionate and always seeking to find better ways of being, doing and understanding.

There’s a fourth mentor who many would overlook. This mentor is one who is a giver, an encourager and an enlightener. Some would use the word teacher and would in part be right. It is the qualification and not that application of it.

Enlightener is more fitting because no detail is spared, no creative process discounted out of hand and brings to the table not only the qualities of the previous three mentors, but adds dimensions that they could not.

She brings to the table those qualities that only a woman and mother could. In gently sharing the things that are precious to her she showed me the amazing beauty of a woman’s heart. Enabling me to have an amazing quality of relationship with three important women. The first my elderly mother in her final years and just as importantly to understand and meet my grand daughters at a heart level. To genuinely understand them.

Those two young women have become mentors in their own right.

As an entrepreneur and as a man it’s important to never lose sight of the fact that a little over half of the worlds population are girls and women. Any man who is ‘man enough’ to learn about them will have a life that is so enriched it will be astounding. A couple of question are often asked when this discussion comes up and I always manage to answer them with a smile.

“Have you become less of a man since becoming aware of this.”

Simple answer, “No!”

Many of my friends have daughters and are probably the most compassionate and well rounded people you could want to meet. Has the fact that they have daughters disempowered them? If anything they’ve been more empowered as raising a daughter means tempering their masculine competitive natures with a gentler yet more assertive approach.

“Do you now prefer the company of women to men?”

This is a bit of a leading question which generally comes from those who are not in the know. Not being ‘in the know’ generally means that there is that phenomena of fear of the unknown.  As a counsellor friend says information or knowledge resolves many problems.

Apart from the mentors mentioned above we can learn something from anyone. As with the line from Desiderata says, “even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.”

What we learn from each mentor will be determined by our level of aspiration and our desire to reach new and exciting levels of life. Preferably with the benefit of learning from others experiences.

New mentors should be on the goals list for 2015.

Who I Am Really

            We all go through different experiences in life and that changes how we see and relate to things. Every experience changes the way our life now seems and how in the future we will perceive our surroundings and others.

            Which is where most conflict arises from. Differing perspectives, different points of view. Passing an opinion on someone’s life or actions is to start treading on very shaky ground. Because in most cases we don’t know what the experiences they’ve had that make them think or act in a particular way and how it affects them currently.

            That’s the source of relationship break ups, divorce, commercial confrontation, bullying and wars. Since life and our desires claim most of our attention we tend to want to retain things that are familiar. Things that bring us comfort. That’s human nature. However, and it is a big ‘HOWEVER’ no two peoples experiences and perspectives are the same.

            The greatest joy in life can be to learn to see through others eyes and experiences. It can literally be life changing. A few simple and sincere questions can lead to learning what things are like for the other person. It can also lead to the beginning of many lifetime friendships and strong partnerships.

            It’s easy to pick out these consummate communicators as the conversation will not be a about them. Sometimes it’s interesting to ask a question and sit back and listen to the other person tell you their life story. Even if you’ve just met them. It’s also liberating because most of us like to talk about ourselves. So when someone extends the invitation it makes for a very easy time.

ASSUMING

            One of the greatest failings in life is to assume. How many times has someone surprised you with some thoughtful act that seemed totally out of character for them. One the great things in communicating is getting to know them. Having them surprise you in some small or large way. Sadly because we’ve become the busyness generation there is little time spent thinking about and understanding even those we interact with on a regular basis.

            Judging people is a cop out. It means that we’ve measured them by our own bigoted ego. Human behaviour can be determined by whatever they may be dealing with at the moment. Simple examples that come to mind is judging someone and then being confronted with the knowledge that they are dealing with issues which may include health, finances or concern for their loved ones.

            Prior to discharge patients are often given materials as to what to expect on leaving hospital. One of the most pertinent is the suggestion that the emotional ramifications can alter the person in ways that can be confusing or even confronting. Post traumatic stress disorder isn't just about those who've been in active military conflict. Many things such as having our lives endangered through accident or illness can be enough to destroy a relationship.

            Being confronted, for example, with a heart condition, cancer , or even trauma suffered by a partner alters who we are. Those who haven’t been a part of that journey are not privy to the emotions that those in the close relationship at the time have experienced. They have not experienced the stress, the disruption, the fear, anguish and insecurity that has gone with it.

            Sometimes it becomes too much and adds pressure to the relationship. Then sides are taken. The blame game starts. Adding further to the pressure the relationship is under. No matter how well intentioned the actions the fact of the matter remains that their knowledge of what’s important to the afflicted right then is an unknown.

            In financial planning as a part of our due diligence we performed a ‘financial needs analysis.’ It was an important part of ‘getting to know the client and their wants and needs in the future.’

            Another important part of the process was to review how things were going on an annual basis or more often if required. Once again things change. Homes are bought, families are started, additional education is undertaken. All of which changes the individuals and the dynamics of the relationship as well as their wants and needs.

            Why then is it that we never bother reviewing or updating what we know of someone who has come ‘under fire’ because it’s assumed that their action is based on how they used to be.

            Abraham Lincoln summed it up beautifully when he said, “I don’t like the man, I need to get to know him better.”

            That bit can be fun and be the beginning of some beautiful friendships.

Five cardinal Rules For life

1)  Make peace with your past so that it won’t disturb your present.

2)  What other people think of you is none of your business.

3)  Time heals almost everything. Give it time.

4)  No one is in charge of your happiness. Except you.

5)  Don’t compare your life to others and don’t judge them,

     you have no idea what their journey is all about.

©Kim Stedman Thursday, 25 September 2014

The Price of Personal Growth

Self doubt and doubting what we’re learning, is fairly normal in anything that will shape or change how we see the world and relate to it. The main thing to remember is that we are completely reshaping our thinking. The new paradigms may seem strange and so we may "feel" the need to stop and investigate or abandon it, rather than flowing with it.

When added to the heightened awareness that is developed over time, it also means being more aware of paradigm shift. More aware of what  may or may not have been achieved, more aware that of goal and currently can't see how it can happen. Maybe even the next step can't see the next step.

At that point stop and ask yourself, have I made "any" progress towards the A1 goal.

If that was to be  answered in conventional, measurable terms I would have to say no.

However if I measure my capacity to accept the reality of that goal/dream, based on the aforementioned awareness and paradigm shifts then I have made phenomenal progress.

An A1 goal means being prepared mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually to handle the responsibility (fill in your own blank here), the workload and the rewards that will come with it, whilst adjusting our whole life to the new equilibrium.

Personal issues are purely reminders and benchmarks as to how things are being handled...and a lesson in growing.

It's not what happens to you it's what you do with what happens to you. While there is still time and health amazing things can happen in in a short space of time.

Jim Rohn puts it this way: 

"You don't have to change that much for it to make a great deal of difference. A few simple disciplines can have a major impact on how your life works out in the next ninety days, let alone in the next twelve  months or the next three years."

Stand on the higher ground you’ve reached and survey the world from that perspective. From there you’ll discover there’s no shortage in time to get things done, merely where we place our priorities with what time we have.

Try taking a break. Find a place of solitude, arrange with your spouse/partner to have the time out each day, (half to three quarters of an hour) then honour them by doing the same for them.

Great people are ones who don't need to accept what is. It is time to recognise that inner greatness. Take lessons from others, but remain true to yourself.

Your experience and knowledge can make you a leader in your own right.

The great lesson of leadership however is that we must never lose sight of the knowledge others may have to offer. Particularly that the giving of that knowledge does not seek to control or gain for itself in it's own right.

Earl Nightingale summed it up beautifully when he said in speaking of 'new people',

"This person is opposed to all rigidly structured, closed institutions. Such institutions are saying, by the fact that they are rigidly structured and closed, "We have the answers...we need look no further...this is it." "The new, powerful person knows that at this early stage of our development, such thinking is infantile. We do not have all the answers...about anything. And just as the maturing person is in a stage of growth, of becoming - so is a vital institution. It uses what it has and what it knows as springboards into the future...and assiduously avoids becoming closed and rigidly structured. A good and viable institution, like a self-actualising person, is always in a state of growth..of becoming."

Earl Nightingale

(1922-1989)

I highly recommend reading the full statement and see just how you fit into that picture. It could become a great affirmation.

Become aware that others are showing their best side to you and you are measuring who you know you are inside against that.

Not really comparing apples with apples is it?

In closing always remember that the price we pay for personal growth is that there is no going back.

Attitudes and Concentration Camps

Where there is no vision the people perish. Vision is what's missing in the world today.

Let me tell you a story of vision and faith.

We fill our lives with things that keep us busy. Giving us a sense of importance or purpose and value to our lives. One of the greatest times this was brought home was at a course in public speaking. We had just two minutes to say what we had to say, then finish with “the point I am making”.

A man in his sixties who had amazed us with his line of work and the intricacies of it came in and told a story that showed a totally different side of his life. We could tell that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the topic he was about to deliver, but he started to share a very personal part of himself with us.

It was the end of a long day and fourteen year old Louis was sitting on the step at the front of the dormitory with his father. The day had been a long one and there was little hope of relief. Each sat with his own thoughts, soaking up the last feeble warmth from the sun as it was setting over the mountains. Many things can go through a person’s mind at a time like this. Happy things, sad things and just things that wander through the mind when it’s not actively engaged on a particular task.

His father broke the stillness and pointing to the setting sun said “see the beauty of what God has given us. A sunset and mountains that we see are beautiful”. Placing his hand on his sons shoulder he added “Remember this. God has given you this evening, this sunset and no matter what they take away from you this can never be”

This may seem of little significance until we are told the year was in the mid nineteen forties and the place was a camp in Poland, call Auschwitz. The point Louis was making was in a matter of moments, with a few significant words, his father had shown him the quality of taking the time to share something special with someone that would have a lasting purpose in their lives.

This would also have a profound impact on others somewhere in the future.

It left me wondering if at the end of the twentieth century we hadn’t somehow managed to make ourselves so busy with the urgent things, that we miss out on some of the very important things. Like seeing the sunsets. Feeling the air as the seasons change. Being aware that the night sky is really like the dome inside a cathedral.

The other thing that Louis didn’t say, and I’m sure that everyone in the room that night was aware of, is that 'everyone has a story to tell' and through what they have experienced have in their own unique way earned the right to tell their story. From this comes an understanding of really taking the time to not only listen, but hear what people are saying.

In my line of work it is a very special point in knowing the people I do business with when they start to share the things that are important to them. So when someone offers a cup of tea or coffee I find it quite easy to say yes. Work can always be caught up on later, but times as unique as hearing Louis’ story don’t come very often and who knows when the next one will. It’s like the changes that are going on around us that aren’t acknowledged until something stops us. Like the sunsets that are there every day yet we rarely “see” them.

From 'There’s Never Enough Time' Attitudes and Concentration Camps.

© Kim Stedman 1996

Autumn Evening

The shadows grow long across the land

and the air’s become cool and damp.

The sun's lost it’s merciless heat

and there’s movement around the camp.

Leaves hanging from a limbs on the trees

make patterns across the bright setting sun.

Frogs now give voice to the cooling air

and the peace of the evenings begun.

The colours now fade from blue into pink

then into grey as darkness begins to fall.

There’s an afterglow low in the Southern sky.

In the trees the last of the birds gives a call.

There’s stillness and peace and time to reflect

on matters that are a part of each day,

like sitting in the open under the stars

quietly conversing the hours away.

And so in this evening that Autumn has brought

there’s relief in days growing shorter and cool

and the fragrance of damp on the dry dusty earth

and stars blazing in that high deep indigo pool.

© Kim Stedman

You Already Have the Power

“When was the last time that you really thought about something important? The last time that you pondered a situation from every angle and examined every last minute detail. Many times, people don’t put forth that type of thought effort unless they have to. 

People don’t think about their health, until they get that life-altering call from the doctor. People don’t think about their relationships, until they are about to lose them. People don’t think about their career future, until they no longer have a steady career. 

They live in the problem and not in the solution. You already have the ability to reach that deeper level of thought in everything you do, to look at situations from every angle possible and to arrive at creative solutions that have a positive, lasting effect on your life.”

Start Your Day Right.

What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Reach for the smartphone? I can't imagine any other device in history changing how we function, spend time, and relate to ourselves and others more than the smartphone.   

The word alarm is so appropriate, because it alarms us from the world of dreams and the unconscious, it always takes a few minutes to get fully back into our bodies. Some traditions teach that the soul travels between worlds when we sleep, and that the first words to break the silence each each morning should be... 

"Thank you for restoring my soul to me." 

This speaks to the fact that morning is a time when that gentle space between conscious and unconscious is thin and our minds are taking over.

Technology is 'in your face, demanding your thoughts and emotions meaning that the wonderful world of sleep and dreams is left far behind and forgotten. Then in that zombie like state we stagger into the routine that begins each day.

The harmony which we could have started the day with and continued to feel is left behind with the bed and that wonderful world we visited overnight. 

The way you begin your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. this is not a war so we don't need to be on high alert and experiencing adrenaline which will keep us pumped for a while the let us down later in the day. We're on the alert for anything and everything. 

It's as if you had a young child who wanted to snuggle and share her dreams in the morning but you were constantly pushing her aside so that you could read your phone. Would the child feel loved and appreciated or rejected and cast aside? That's what we do on the inner level: When we fail to give ourselves attention by spending a few quiet minutes attending to our inner world upon awakening, we send ourselves the message that everything else and everyone else is more important.

As an experiment try turning off the alarm. You'll be amazed how you can actually wake at a chosen time, or close too it, without mechanical intervention. This allows your mind to gradually 'feel' it's way into a state of full wakefulness. Creating a gentle gap between the softness of sleep and the act of becoming a human 'doing.'

1. Practice mindfulness.

Even five minutes of mindfulness practice can set a calmer tone for your day. Mindfulness helps you come into the present moment and ground yourself to the here and now (here I am in space; right now in time). Cultivating that pause each morning will help you anchor back into it if the busyness reaches a crescendo as your day progresses.

2. Write down your dreams.

Dream-tending is an art and science that may sometimes require the guidance. In the old cultures dreams were interpreted by the Shaman with the purpose of understanding and healing. Writing down last night's dreams can help you preserve the valuable space of morning and fill yourself with spiritual energy. Allowing you in the future to relive those 'magic' moments. Even if you don't understand what your dreams are trying to communicate, remembering even one dream and thinking about it throughout the day helps maintain a a connection to yourself and will serve you well.

3. Journal.

Journaling is one of the most effective ways to know yourself and fill your inner well with self-love and self-knowledge. Effective jounaling ins liberating as it frees up the mind and allows greater reflection on our lives. ly. You should feel clearer and more grounded when you're done. It's a great way to start the day. Even just writing down a few simple sentences of what you appreciate can set a positive tone.

4. Practice simple yoga exercises.

Yoga is a mind/body practice that is done in a quiet place with time and space for reflection and reconnecting with your body. Preparing it too for the coming day of action.

5. Go outdoors and let the light and air fill your senses.

There's nothing like fresh air and sunshine to reconnect to you to your essential nature, which is good, loving, and worthy exactly as you are.

Into the open vessel of our morning-selves we can pour technology or we can choose actions that will fill the inner well with positive energy. Which do you choose?

Source: MindBodyGreen.

Considering Others

I was both amused and angered upon opening this email. Amused at the ignorance and naivety of the author and angered by the belligerence of insinuating that people were lying to him.

Here's what he wrote...

When someone says “I can’t afford it,”...

REMEMBER :  it’s never about their money situation!

It’s always about their level of Commitment.

You know this to be true in your own life... when you've absolutely NEEDED money for something... you came up with it.   

The same goes for your potential clients. 

When they're committed to experiencing the Transformation you've promised them... your fee becomes a non-issue...

... Especially when your potential client discovers that the cost of NOT working with you is GREATER than the cost of working with you... they will almost always say YES!

But... how do you get them to see that the cost of not working with you is greater than the cost of working with you?

... Especially if you don’t want to be pushy or overstep boundaries?

While the content may be true there are still the fundamental human needs like food and a roof over your head. When they are taken care of then we may consider moving to the next level or taking the next step.

As motivators, counsellors and educators we have an obligation to meet people where they're at and assist them to see the path that leads to better ways of being and living.

Well I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions on this, and finish by saying that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

After all your life can be changed in an instant.

Time - performed by Sir Laurence Olivier

This is one of the most inspiring orations of the late 20th century. The words become a mantra, a meditation and philosophy for a better life.

Listen to Sir Laurence here.

Stand before me on the sign of infinity,

all you of the earth.

With the granting of the law of provination

comes the application of change.

I will give you the key.

And with this knowledge, please realise,

comes the responsibility of sharing it.

I will show you the way.

It's very simple. Throughout the universe

there is order.

In the movement of the planets, in nature

and in the functioning of the human mind.

A mind that is in its natural state of order,

is in harmony with the universe

and such a mind is timeless.

Your life is an expression of your mind.

You are the creator of your own Universe -

For as a human being, you are free to will whatever

state of being you desire through the use of your

thoughts and words.

There is great power there.

It can be a blessing or a curse -

It's entirely up to you.

For the quality of your life is brought about

by the quality of your thinking -

think about that.

Thoughts produce actions -

look at what you're thinking.

See the pettiness and the envy and the greed and the

fear and all the other attitudes that cause

you pain and discomfort.

Realize that the one thing you have absolute

control over is your attitude.

See the effect that it has on those around you.

For each life is linked to all life

and your words carry with them chain reactions

like a stone that is thrown into a pond.

If your thinking is in order,

your words will flow directly from the heart

creating ripples of love.

If you truly want to change your world, my friends,

you must change your thinking.

Reason is your greatest tool,

it creates an atmosphere of understanding,

which leads to caring which is love.

Choose your words with care.

Go forth ... with love.

Global Community

You Never Know

You never know what's happening in someones' life. Recently I was called to provide counsel to a single Mum.

Mothers carry the emotional burden for their childrens wellbeing.

Even working as a couple does not change this...

Every little bit of support provided acknowledges and validates a Mums role.

This post from Facebook helps to highlight the case in point.

What's $17.38 to You? 

To The Woman Behind Me In Line At The Grocer

Dear woman behind me in line at the grocery store,

You don't know me. You have no clue what my life has been like since October 1, 2013. You have no clue that my family has gone through the wringer. You have no clue that we have faced unbelievable hardship. You have no clue we have been humiliated, humbled, destitute.

You have no clue I have cried more days than not; that I fight against bitterness taking control of my heart. You have no clue that my husband's pride was shattered. You have no clue my kids have had the worries of an adult on their shoulders. You have no clue their innocence was snatched from them for no good reason. You know none of this.

What you do know is I tried to buy my kids some food and that the EBT machine was down so I couldn't buy that food. I didn't have any cash or my debit card with me. I only had my SNAP card. All you heard was me saying "No, don't hold it for me. My kids are hungry now and I have no other way of paying for this." You didn't judge me. You didn't snarl "Maybe you should have less kids." You didn't say "Well, get a job and learn to support yourself." You didn't look away in embarrassment or shame for me. You didn't make any assumptions at all.

What you did was you paid that $17.38 grocery bill for us. You gave my kids bananas, yogurt, apple juice, cheese sticks, and a peach ice tea for me; a rare treat and splurge. You let me hug you and promise through my tears that I WILL pay this forward. I WILL pay someone's grocery bill for them. That $17.38 may not have been a lot for you, but it was priceless to us. In the car my kids couldn't stop gushing about you; our "angel in disguise." They prayed for you. They prayed you would be blessed. You restored some of our lost faith. One simple and small action changed our lives. You probably have forgotten about us by now, but we haven't forgotten about you. You will forever be a part of us even though we don't even know your name.

You have no clue how grateful and embarrassed I am that we pay for all our food with SNAP. We eat well thanks to the government. I love that. I love that the government makes sure my kids are cared for. It is one less worry for us. I also struggle with pride and embarrassment. I defiantly tell people we are on SNAP. Daring them to judge us.

Only those closest to us know why we are on SNAP. They know my husband is a hard worker who was laid off after 17 years in a management position with his former company. They know we were moved from our home to a new state only to be left homeless since the house we had came with the job he lost. Only those closest to us know my husband works part time while looking tirelessly for more; that he has submitted more applications than he has received interviews for. Too many jobs are only offering part time work anymore. It is not easy for a 40-something year old to find a job that will support his family of five kids.

You know none of this but you didn't let that stop you from being compassionate and generous to someone you have never met.

To the woman behind me at the grocery store, you have no idea how much we appreciate you. You have no idea the impact you had on my kids. You have no idea how incredibly thankful I am for you. Your action may have been small, but to us it was monumental. Thank you.

Thank you for not judging us. Thank you for giving my kids a snack when they were quite hungry. Thank you. Just thank you.

Forever,

Andrea, the woman in front of you at the grocery store with the cart full of kids who are no longer hungry